people always say the older ones have it good. we get the most protection from our parents (since we're the first-borns), we have a much smaller likelihood of receiving hand-me-downs. and the most popular lament from younger siblings has got to be: we have the physical and emotional advantage over them to bully them as we like.

THAT'S CRAP. TOTAL CRAP. TO THE PEOPLE WHO ACTUALLY BEAR SUCH IMPRESSIONS OF THE OLDER ONES: DESIST. STOP THINKING SUCH UNTHINKABLE THOUGHTS. because it becomes a total vicious cycle of violence (yes violence) and you'll start becoming brutally mean to your older children (whom you think do nothing but bully the younger immature nubile baby of the family.

somehow, the precious babies always have this invisible halo gleaming above them screaming desperately for unnecessary protection from parents (esp the mums omg). and with the development of said halo comes the growth of invisible devil horns on me. and voila,whatever I say to defend myself amounts to nothing. zilch. because she is the vulnerable being,while I, the physically larger must have been the perpetrator.OHOH another point of attack against people like me: since I'm older, I'm supposed to have greater capacity to forgive, forget and give in to my sister. so in 'attacking' her, I have sinned. le sigh.

and this continues, with the little nincompoop becoming increasingly bold and used to the protection of her parents against the defenceless sister:( she starts setting her sibling up by twisting stories: whatever she does against me becomes what I have done to her, or by using the iphone video recorder to film certain footage that would seem unfavourable to me when it is shown during interventions by parents when potential conflicts surface in future. she's a scheming little imp i tell you omg. (in the mean time, she uses the possibility of such videos being present to blackmail me)

and yes, some of you may find this kinda familiar as it has happened EONS ago when you AND your siblings were KIDS. that's another problem about the Sister and I. our age gap's so huge that as she is going through the annoying 10-year-old period, i'm in the midst of a level preparations and thus cannot tolerate her shit (either because I'm too busy doing essay outlines, or that I'm too stressed and she becomes the outlet of whatever grievances I might just happen to have) so i guess its not really any of our fault.. but still.. SHE IS GOING OVERBOARD:(

anyway, to the younger siblings out there who just can't seem to understand why their older siblings are being 'mean' to them. think about it. how often have you put yourselves in the shoes of them? Even if you don't know what they're going through, please, just please have some decency to make yourself lesser of a hindrance. ok let me correct myself. it's not that you're not welcomed or anything. it's just.. as the baby of the family (or one of the younger ones), it's very common for a lot of you to be very much sheltered and pampered by everyone in the family. You can just leave your shit/mess around and people would automatically clean up after you. and somehow, you just become so irresponsible because you're in a way, so dependent on everyone around you. apart from being dependent, as the youngest in the family, most are used to having their way and essentially be elevated to becoming a princess. (to people who know me too well: no i'm not jealous because i don't get to be the princess here hahaha) but really you get to be demanding AND you want equal respect . nocandosville, sweet babydoll. (ok sorry failed attempt) because sooner or later, your older siblings will get tired of your dependent/demanding/bratty ways and eventually just treat you with lesser regard (plus you're the baby anyway. YOU'RE supposed to respect us. i mean we're gonna die earlier than you anyway-assuming we live the same number of years la. so shouldn't you at least be nice enough to treat us better for having to deal with your shit) hahaha ok sorry i know this paragraph has been an extremely sweeping one. my apologies. if however, you recognise yourself in this, yea go face the wall and reflect.

so here's a tip for the vulnerable younger siblings out there: maybe... learn to be more responsible and independent? so your older siblings will have little reason to pick on you and you'll probably gain greater respect like that? ok i don't know if i'm gonna offend like a lot of people with this post.. but nobody actually comes here right.. hehe..butbut it's true! oh man the space bar is faulty. i bet the Sister had something to do with this(it's her laptop anyway) lol ok this is ironic. i'm using her laptop to type a blog post bitching about her. aiyah whatever la.





hey ppl:)

ok so as promised, i'm blogging more regularly now. (ok maybe cos i'm procrastinating! don't wanna mug econs alr omg) i've decided to just stick with triviality when i blog cos it makes me happier! and my readers(if i ever do have any) will be happier too! hahaha. so yep

I FINALLY PLANNED MY HONG KONG WARDROBE! haha. sorry was too bored yesterday. so i went through whatever i had (actually not really). Cos when I slid open the wardrobe door, I found 2 dresses which would be perfect! (My kinda new blue polka dotted dress which I got from Marina Square for 25 BUCKS! HAHA so cheap right? AND ITS PRETTY! as well as this pink retro looking dress I guess. The pink dress with a polka dotted sash) I think I'm kinda TOO into polka dots now. hahaha but whatever, it's cute. And I would never have thought that the 5 dollar dress I got from a Flea with Alissa would fit so well and make me look skinny. hahaha. so yea, I'll be wearing that too! to think I was complaining and being all upset about wasting 5 freaking dollars on a dress that has similar prints(the anna sui inspired look) as other dresses in my wardrobe. But i realised ytd that hey, the shape's different! and the flowers are smaller. so i dont care, it was a good buy! hahaha. My last outfit is the pink bugis street tshirt that i mentioned in my last post. hahaha. YAY! all planned and the itinerary's ready too! but I think I'm being overly ambitious. Tsim Sha Tsui, Mong Kok, Yau Ma Tei, Central and The Peak all in one day?? LOL! blame it on my sister for insisting on going to disney. HMPH :(

ok so CTs are in 2 days. personally, i think i'm somewhat prepared, i guess? I just have to do all that memorising now. LOL. which i guess can be solved with mnemonics? hahaha. eh at least i understand my notes k. so if i ever forget certain points, i can still crap and elaborate on others.

oh and i just witnessed the return of the Television Ghost! hahaha the tv turned on by itself again. but i think it's just the hot weather la(based on my non physics-expertise analysis). so yea. will probably turn it off later when the weather cools. alibaba. okok i better go back to reading Mr Yew's essay outlines. tata

chendol





it's times like that that worry me.

7/8 of our lives in nj. that's right, its gonna be over come friday. I don't know why people keep lamenting and complaining about how the school sucks and how they wanna leave asap. Is it really that bad, actually? well, if there was one thing that I'd miss in NJ, that'd be us. hahaha

and this is when people start rebutting. yea la! that's the only thing that'll be treasured what. friendships la! but there's one thing for sure that people often disregard - the fact that we are bonded by ill feelings, bonded by can i say a tormenting school life? haha. that's how people in dance supposedly bond, no? the solidarity among defectors come about because of their common vision to escape oppression, after having suffered similar experiences. a party is formed primarily because people share a set of ideals. so yea, i guess i'll miss every element of school life, from the yellow-slip issuing gorgon to say, frantically mugging for econs in the PA control, to of course the awesome parties every now and then.

now, there's really nothing wrong with missing all of these, given that I've spent 4 good years in this GREAT college. lol. it'll probably occupy a special place in my heart, and probably remain where it is, while people shelve these memories deeper and deeper into the back of their minds. hahah and there you have it, I who cannot get over anything. I who will remain worked up over the same old stupid issue that will seem so very insignificant in a mere 5 years. Maybe that's why I'm always bothered or burdened - because I can forgive but never forget (in some cases, I never forgive). hahah I guess it's high time I change my outlook on life, pursue Buddhism to a higher level and attain nirvana. LOL.

and yes, as I was saying in my first sentence, it really worries me when I think about what's gonna happen to me in future. Will I keep harping onto the times I had in JC, good and bad? Will I be able to remove a scar laden facade and replace it with a blank sheet again? Indeed the injuries sustained have since healed and lessons have been internalised. but wounds will be wounds, there's bound to be a scar. Perhaps a scarf will do. A scarf to hide the impurities on my skin. At the very least, similar blades would be driven away.

oh yea anyway, CTs ARE COMING! SHINGZ! GP, ECONS AND LIT! i dont know why i'm still blogging when I should be flipping through my notes frantically! BUT IT'LL BE OVER ON FRIDAY! temporarily. then it's history consol for 2 freaking days. AND HONGKONGGG! YAY! but my sister wants to go to disneyland-.- again. and it's not like we're staying at the disneyland hotel. NO! so that means we'll have to wake up earlyyy in the morning just to catch a train to tung chung and then disney wtshit. i have to find a way to convince her to give disney a miss. hello, we're in hong kong for 4 days ONLY. can we at least shop the days away? or at least spend it well at some museum!

but, if we go to disney, I'll get to wear my pink shirt (which i got from bugis street. haha yes. i actually bought a non performance costume from bugis street!) which coincidentally has the same print as a dress I got from Korea last year! and it's pink too! adorable ttm!<3 Haven't planned my wardrobe for Hong Kong yet D: will do so next fri, after gp and econs and probably a movie marathon. then after that, I'll have to mug mug mug. life sucks D:

actually, I realised that blogging about happy things really cheers me up a great deal. I should do this more often. I really kinda miss blogging on a regular basis. yea! I should deactivate facebook and blog instead. heh! nobody reads my blog anyway! so I can just sound retarded here. (ok somehow, I can imagine a friend from somewhere thinking to his/herself, "and this idiot thinks no one reads her blog. LOL retard." aiyah, anyway, if you ever do read my blog, do tag! hahaha it's been a long time since I last saw actual tags by actual friends. somehow these blogwalkers/virus transmitters have infiltrated cbox tagboards? I see them everywhere. heh! okok I better go mug econs now! tata!

chendol





some people obviously take trivial things too seriously. instead of doing what you're supposed to, you're stepping over the line and being your unnecessary self. you seem to assume that everyone has to act like how you do. my apologies. but i'm not you and i certainly do not want to be like you. so stop telling me what to do because i have my reasons for acting in certain ways. since you are such a good judge of abilities, and think yourself more suitable than i am, then why didn't you show/say or prove it? and at this point of time, when we're all tired and starting to slow down? seriously? i'm beginning to question your true objectives of even being in this. lol.





sometimes, i just wished i had a listening ear. yea i have my fair share of good friends and super close friends. but friends judge. nobody can deny that. i do that too sometimes without realising it. but at this point of time when people start collapsing and begin calling out for shoulders to lean on, who am i to turn to when everyone's so emo and weak? when is it my turn to finally spill?

this valentine's week has been crap. i feel horrible inside. i can't hide it any longer with my teletubby face. help.





Hello ppl:) (shingz i dont even know if ppl still visit this site)

ok so CNY's coming real soon. and i guess after that, it means business. chandel has to work her ass off. D: anyway, so i've been crashing orientation for the past week. kinda weird actually. because most of the time, i'm like crashing alone-.- with nurul either at P.A or mugging in the library and hazel at PA duty. man. chandel has turned into a loner freak D: hahahaha but. 'twas still quite fun la. hahaha.

i've been wondering lately whether what i did was right. obligation vs what i really want to do. trust me. if i had the choice, and if you had created the environment, i would have gladly stayed. for nothing in return. but reality strikes and we realise that paths are important because without which, we would be directionless, and it'll probably take us even more time and effort to get to our destination. we might not even get there at all eventually. so yes. recently, i'm starting to feel left out from the group. not that i actually attempted to join in before (because the thing is.. is was supposed to be an original member. and THEY were the ones who were supposed to be fitting in) but i guess after all that has happened, roles have been reversed and i tend to exclude myself from them. maybe its just me, maybe i'm still living in the past. or that i can't erase memories and images of things i don't want to remember. or perhaps. these are all excuses to why i dont see myself as part of them. because i was a traitor. because he picks on me. because being associated with me makes life shit for you. i dont want to blame anyone for this. it's a multi-causal effect. really, if you ever come across this blog post(i dont know how), think about it. prejudice or pure misunderstanding? give it thought. it has been bothering me for years. i just want to get this over and done with. and start again.

someday i'll be big enough so you can't hit me
and all you're ever gonna be is mean

why you gotta be so mean?

if only utopia existed.

chendol





hello good people

yes i'm back. AGAIN. lol. so i decided to blog again after a uber long break. well it all started like that: i was planning the itinerary for my korea trip (yes i'm going to seoul. and no. i'm not gonna die) then i got distracted by some fb notification. (shingz i hate it that they dont have word predictors on computers except on ms. Then i get spammed with predictions when i type messages on my iphone. its bad enough that i have fat fingers and i try so hard just to type messages. now, my 'tmr' comes out as TNT and tuition comes out as ruiyun. LOL wth. oh well) ANYWAY, as i was saying, i began stalking people and trying to access their blogs when it struck me! why dont i look at what has become of my abandoned web log! yea so i typed in the url and some sexy audrey on the front page. yea audrey's my friend. i'm gonna dress as her for prom next year. yea then i decided to blog lor.

so my birthday's coming and there's this weirdo outside shouting to the upper stories. for a guy named weiheng or weihao. oo. he says its because he can't open the glass door. i really wonder what weiheng/weihao's gonna do next. throw down the access card?-.- welcome to kampong hillview where you forgo modern technologies. like your phone. DOOD CALL HIM LA.

ok anyway, so yes! tis' the season to be jolly! falalalalalalalala! my parents are offering to take me to universal studios for my birthday! as juvenile as i may sound, i'd really be very happy if they were to take me to universal studios because 1) i've never been there and 2) i dont know.. i haven't thought of the second reason. but well.. at least i get to be embraced in familial warmth if we go as well, a family. Since everyone's growing up and growing older and becoming busier.. it'll be nice if we could treasure whatever time we have left together:)

option 2 for birthday plans: MAK AND ALISSA COMING OVER TO SLEEPOVER! YAYYYY! hahaha now that'll be fun! hahahaha! then we can just stay up all night and talk rubbish and do god knows what. maybe webcam with random people and eat/watch movies all night long! oh and talktalktalktalktalktalktalk! hehehehe:D i'm getting so excited! THEN IF WE'RE NOT TOO TIRED, WE CAN GO SHOPPING THE NEXT DAY! WOOHOOOO! maybe i should amalgamate both plans.. like go with my parents on 8th dec. then mak and alissa come on the 9th! HAHAH:)

speaking of amalgamation, i'm so glad pw's over! its been a bittersweet experience. but truth be told, i didn't really contribute as much as i thought i could have. you would be surprised hearing of my contributions for the wr. well, but anyway, i'm impressed, very impressed actually by how our group manages to do last minute work well. hahahaha loved our presentation alot. and the prada bag<3 and i think geraldine's house is so awesome! we could perpetually just film our video at any spot and it'll just look like we were filming in an eco restaurant!

ok crap. its 3.13. i better go back to doing the itinerary. I feel like a slackershit. I NEED TO STUDAYE ZOMG. okok! tata

chendol