Hello ppl:) (shingz i dont even know if ppl still visit this site)

ok so CNY's coming real soon. and i guess after that, it means business. chandel has to work her ass off. D: anyway, so i've been crashing orientation for the past week. kinda weird actually. because most of the time, i'm like crashing alone-.- with nurul either at P.A or mugging in the library and hazel at PA duty. man. chandel has turned into a loner freak D: hahahaha but. 'twas still quite fun la. hahaha.

i've been wondering lately whether what i did was right. obligation vs what i really want to do. trust me. if i had the choice, and if you had created the environment, i would have gladly stayed. for nothing in return. but reality strikes and we realise that paths are important because without which, we would be directionless, and it'll probably take us even more time and effort to get to our destination. we might not even get there at all eventually. so yes. recently, i'm starting to feel left out from the group. not that i actually attempted to join in before (because the thing is.. is was supposed to be an original member. and THEY were the ones who were supposed to be fitting in) but i guess after all that has happened, roles have been reversed and i tend to exclude myself from them. maybe its just me, maybe i'm still living in the past. or that i can't erase memories and images of things i don't want to remember. or perhaps. these are all excuses to why i dont see myself as part of them. because i was a traitor. because he picks on me. because being associated with me makes life shit for you. i dont want to blame anyone for this. it's a multi-causal effect. really, if you ever come across this blog post(i dont know how), think about it. prejudice or pure misunderstanding? give it thought. it has been bothering me for years. i just want to get this over and done with. and start again.

someday i'll be big enough so you can't hit me
and all you're ever gonna be is mean

why you gotta be so mean?

if only utopia existed.

chendol