Am I setting my sights too high. Have I already fixed it there? Why do I just seem so unmoved and unaffected by things I can obtain so much more easily? The problem is I'm not even sure myself. Have probably already lost faith in this whole system. I don't really care anymore. Just do whatever you want. Doesn't really matter to me whether or not I get hurt. I'm like desensitised to it all already somehow. Sigh. I feel/sound like such a destroyed person.
You know its so ironic how whenever you don't have something, you just get so desperate for anything. Even the slightest thing that resembles It. And when that finally gets within your reach, you start becoming all picky and discerning. Settling for nothing but It, which you obviously can't obtain at this point.
Really long for the day when I can confidently and safely say 'oh the queue starts all the way there. How about... no'
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