I hope this is the last blog post I'll be drafting with you mentioned in it. I am writing this because what you said to me actually bothered me for some time and this part of me somehow feels the need to respond to what you've said about me because I do not think it is true at all.
To me, you were once a very important person in my life. I never thought you would make your way there, but you did somehow. From the very start, I was not that keen. You were pretty much a fling, we had something I wasn't serious about and frankly, I thought we wouldn't last because we moved too quickly. But I was curious and you seemed to be very fond of me. So I let things continue. You knew that I had my reservations and that I was hesitant initially. You knew that my parents did not approve and that I had my sights on someone back home. But you persisted. And that not only made me feel bad, but also touched me. We had our fights and our disagreements, but every time you let me win and have the final say. We never spent a night angry at each other because before we slept, you apologised and we resolved it. You treated me like a princess and when I whined, you listened. When I did not want to get up and turn off the lights, you did it instead. You washed the dishes, did the laundry most of the time. You even sent me to my early morning breakfast duties at 6 am, and picked me up after duty. You were great with my friends and made everybody like you so that life was easier for me too.
But that was not just it. Between us, we had something magical. Remember the night when Nigel held this big confession party for Isabella and all of us were invited to set off lanterns at the lake in Montana? I found it extremely romantic. Standing in your arms as the wind blew from behind. The warmth from your body as you embraced me while we set off the lantern together. While everybody else's failed, our lantern flew out slowly but steadily, to a distance so far we could not see it from where we stood. We looked at each other in the eye and shared a brief peck on the lips. You told me you loved me and always would.
I remember the time when I fell so sick after having dinner at the Italian restaurant with your mum. My stomach felt so queasy after the risotto and wine but I just couldn't do anything about it. You sat next to me in the bathroom as I tried to puke everything out. Obviously I felt so uneasy then and told you to go out and sit with your mum in the living room. But you just kept coming in to check up on me, asking if I was feeling better. When I finally puked, you brought me back to the living room and gave me a hot cup of tea. Then you brought me to bed and helped me readjust the bed so that it wasn't fully reclined and also gave me a hot water bottle for my tummy. When I apologised for being such a troublemaker, you tidied my hair, told me not to be silly and that I was your girlfriend. Of course you would take care of me.
I remember the little surprises you used to give me every now and then. The silly laughter we used to share. The way you used to look at me and call me 'brown eyes'. The HTHTs we used to have before bedtime and the morning kisses you used to give me when you got ready for school while I was still in bed.
You were not just my boyfriend and my lover. You were pretty much my best friend. So when you said to me last Tuesday that I had no real friends, I was dying to agree with you. You were my best friend but you weren't real. Or at least you aren't real anymore. We are not friends. We aren't even acquaintances. Because when we cross paths in future, we will be nothing more than mere strangers. Because you chose for us to go down this road and I, I will always be the one following your lead.
I told you how destroyed I was over the six months because I trusted that you had a heart and that you would see things from my perspective. But you did not. Instead, you used it against me and insinuated that I felt so awful because I had no friends to turn to when we broke up. This is obviously untrue. Of all people, you should know my personality best. You should know how much pride I have and that I don't like to broadcast my failures. Furthermore, our relationship was built in a place away from Singapore. My friends at home would not be able to fully understand the picture and feel the amount of shock and pain I was inflicted with because they did not have the chance to witness what we once were. What you once were to me. So why burden them with my troubles if they cannot empathise or sympathise entirely? All they could do was curse and scold you to make me feel better. But there was nobody at home that could talk to me about what went wrong. It was only when I came back to Switzerland that I met with friends who knew us when we were a couple. They were as shocked as I was with regards to your behaviour because they knew how wonderful a person you once were. They saw us as a perfect happy couple and we were the couple that they thought was going to last. So when you disappeared from my life, moved on at the speed of lightning and just treated my friends as strangers thereafter, we were all hurt and taken aback.
So I really think you are the one without real friends, because your life is all over the place literally. You don't have concrete friends that wait for you. You lose friends as quickly as you make them and like I said, your friends are transient. While I explained that I could be a permanent figure, you shoved me aside for those friends of yours. Where are they now? Where are you in their lives?
You left without apologising to me or anyone else you hurt here. You left without explaining yourself but I choose to close this chapter with positive memories of us because I cannot bring myself to take so much hate with me through life. You will always be that first boyfriend with whom I share a precious past with. And even if we ever do meet on the streets again and we ignore each other, I hope you remember me as the girlfriend you thought you loved but disappointed.
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