Inertia

I'm returning to Switzerland tonight. I'm not looking forward to it at all and am not at my best emotionally. I just want to hide in a corner and cry. I don't know if I can do this at all. Going back to where all the memories are and where I thought would have been the perfect place for us. I'm just thankful that my mum is coming along, for if not, I would not know what to do. It's going to be a long journey. After getting off the plane, its a 3 hour journey to Bluche, with a transfer of trains in between. Then its a ride up the funicular in the snow. And we'll have to lug the luggage to the property agency where I'll get the keys to the apartment and sign all contracts. We then have to travel back down one stop to Marigny, and open the doors to the apartment. I will then have to search for my boxes. That's the challenge that I'm dreading. And we'll have to get a cab to transport our boxes for us back to Marigny. I hope I can find the house where my boxes are at. And that the door to the garage is unlocked. And that a cab is readily available.

So many obstacles and I don't know why I'm taking it so badly. I just feel so alone in this. When it should have been the both of us. I know you are going back to Bluche to help with check ins this week. So why do you have to treat me like that? Why have I become so dependent on you?

I took 4 months to stand up again and I feel like I'll crumble once I return when I see everything that's familiar. How did I allow myself to screw up so badly?

I hope that by tmr night, everything would be settled more or less. I have a good feeling that if we survive tomorrow's ordeal, I would be able to survive pretty much anything else. Throw me on a deserted island with little resources and I should still be able to emerge alive.

I need all the luck that everyone can wish me for I need to become stronger. Literally (I think my luggage is overweight by 10 odd kg fml)